Please Don't Go

"Richie stopped by the other day to give his condolences."
"He's not coping well with the death of his girlfriend."

"There was a moment like looking at my reflection in a mirror."
"Disconnected, unhinged, afloat, lost...oh Susie, what would I do without these conversations with you?"

"I've recovered fairly well from Wednesday's procedure. I was remembering that this was the one I was most worried about."
"For months I worried I couldn't be your caregiver for a few days. Worried too, you wouldn't let anyone else help."

"What a damn fool I was. You were so willing to sacrifice comfort, dignity, anything so you wouldn't be a burden on me."

"A burden? I was shocked. What the hell did I miss?"

"So many voices droned on and on how great I was; how well I took care of you."

"Who in hell were they talking about? Not me. Not me."

"Worse than inadequate - undeserving. I was so damn selfish I needed you to stay. I needed to make up for all those years that I couldn't give what you needed."

"And what I wanted. Wanted and needed."

"Then out-of-the-blue. We had a storybook fresh start. Didn't we."

"It was so wonderful. I had to pinch myself to know it wasn't a mirage. I couldn't contain how lucky I was."

"And now you thought you might be a burden?" "How could I have underestimated your love for me?"

"Still, I only thought of me. Let you go? No way! I needed you more, more I guess, than I could fathom."
"I don't even know how many times you tried to talk to me about leaving. I wasn't listening."

"You remember. Years ago I let you go, once or twice. I never understood."

"The worst, darkest thing I would do."

"When you wanted to come back. I've regretted it, over and over again. I said no. I said no when you pleaded with me. When you needed me the most I turned my back."

"I am so sorry Susie. Forgive me."
"I can't forgive myself."

We called that little warbler "Our Bird"

"A photo on Facebook today made me start thinking about Our Bird."
"I don't remember how we ended up walking on the train tracks behind FEL but you would remember."
"We were on our break. Was that our first date?"

"That little scold interrupted whatever it was we were talking about. We surprised each other because we both knew exactly what bird it was."
"That little Yellowthroat held center stage and made sure we were properly introduced to each other. He instantly became Our Bird."

"I was already in love with you and now, with that blessing, there was no turning back."

"We were lucky the little dynamo is the Common Yellowthroat. We get to relive that moment often."

"I made a comment on that photo today (it was three Eastern Bluebirds) and said I had some serious birding to catch up on."
"It took me a while to realize just how close to impossible that's going to be. I can't bird without you. I can't hear anything smaller than a crow and that's the least of my problems. The only thing worse than birding alone is birding with a group of strangers."

"Imagine this scenario: Our Bird pops out of the briers and I just stand there 'cause I'm reliving that moment, all choked up. Some busy-body birder stops to lecture me on how to identify that particular warbler. Well, what are the odds that I'll smile and say thank you? Nope, I'd say, 'Piss off you mangy magpie. That bird and I were intimates before you were even a wet dream.' Nope, won't work."

"At least that group of birders are likely to remember me."
"So birding alone is off the table."

"How about an add in the Press? 'Cranky old hippy, looking for 1 or 2 old birders that can actually hear birds smaller than a crow. You can't lecture him about your great birding skills but must be able to smile when he does it.' Can you visualize them, slipping away, going into hiding?"

"What if they don't slip away? Well then you're left with the elephant in the room."

[Common Yellowthroat image by Dan Pancamo]

Love Those Weather Alerts

"It could have been a Steve Martin stand-up."
"Not just one weather alert but two. One from our Blessed Borough and the other from some God-only-knows Higher Authority. Plus, and get this, a Formal Reading of our Blundering Borough's new Snow Ordinance. It was very verbose, but I understood the Ordinance forbid allowing snow to fall on sidewalks; that is if we had sidewalks. In that case, if I got it right, we are to bring it indoors along with our pet chickens."

"You won't believe this. It's another alert. Our Governor just declared a State of Emergency for the entire state. I had to go outside and look. It's the same half-inch of snow that was out there 5 hours ago."

"What passes for Civilization in New Jersey can be very very confusing."

"I was going through a bunch of months old papers destined for the recycling bin."
"Don't give me that look. You know I do, on occasion, throw things out."

"Anyway, there was a December 15th reminder to schedule a follow-up appointment with Dr. Spano. You remember, the cardiologist. I told you she was cute. Ebani worried my EK-whatever didn't look right."

"And anyway it was a false alarm."

"But I looked at that letter. I couldn't stop thinking about all the times I pleaded with you. Nagged you to tears to see a doctor."

"There was so much ... I don't know, drama maybe ... in that one little paragraph."

"So I made an appointment."
"I won't mind if you come along."

"Where's my good-night kiss?"

"A bit of excitement this morning. I went out the east garage door to top-off the triple feeder. On the sidewalk I saw where a large bird left its wing print. Second clue: not one songbird in sight."

          "Cooper's Hawk."

"Yup."
"Snow was blowing and drifting so fast. Knew it had to be a very fresh print. Immature Coop holding its breakfast flew to the back fence but it could see me and was too nervous to stay. Went west out of the yard. Didn't even thank me for keeping the feeders full."

"It's snowing pretty steady now. About 30 degrees and a strong wind. About the best scenario we could hope for if ... Big If ... it stays cold."

          "Groan, lecture alert!"

"You love it and you know it."
"Take notes."
"Our eminent Weather Channel, perverted purveyor of Storm Stories and other Bull-shit, predicts a steadily rising temperature until 5 o'clock. If it turn to freezing rain you might have to help me hold our trees up."

"Now here's something that should give you a tickle. I am actually using the Keurig. Yes, actually using it to impersonate a coffee maker."
"But there's a twist. I'm grinding beans super fine like an espresso brew and refilling the used K-cups."
"Look, it's your fault. You left me a year's supply of Newman's Own Special Blend - specifically designed to mimic Pearl Rebehn coffee."
"You know there is no way I could trash all that plastic. That's even worse than drinking all that N.O.S.B. Now all I have to do is convince Elaine to use the Newman's stuff and trade in the empties."

"Oops, weather alert coming in - gotta run."
"Love You"

"Can you believe it's been ... what, six months since we last had Chinese? So I brought home the same as usual. Orange Beef."
"I thought about ordering something different, but, I'd still be there. Still undecided."

"Mouse laid an egg today. I did tell you, she laid one Friday?"
"I should have expected it; I just bought a  dozen the other day."
"Of course, Snowball tried to claim it was hers. That bird is seriously missing a few brain cells."

"If you love someone ... You know, I still hear that song in my head."

" I played it over and over for you that last night."
"And I played it again for you the next morning."
        "If you love somebody, set them free."

"What's your cat complaining about now?"

          "She's not my cat."

"Ah, you spoiled her rotten. So now the princess is your cat!"

"I think she smells Orange Beef and wants some lap time."

"Good night."